Unfortunately, abuse is very present in our daily lives, we receive constant news of women killed by their partners or ex-partners, in some cases the aggressor found her, although they were not together, but there are also times when the victim meets that person several times, or they may never have left the relationship. After all, why is it so hard to escape an abuse situation?
This is hard for many people to understand. It’s normal to listen, “If it makes you so bad, why do you come back or go on?” The reality is not so simple. Doesn’t that mean that these women are guilty, but that they have been involved in a series of trials that have made it difficult to get out of this situation of abuse?Read on to understand and help you better!
- “This irrational desire for domination.
- Control and power over the other person is the main force that fuels domestic violence between couples.
- -Luis Rojas Marcos-.
In a relationship, it is normal to feel loved by the other person, so how could we define emotional dependence?It would be an extreme need for affection on the part of the couple that feeds obsessive thoughts towards the other person and constant feelings of abandonment, which would force the person to behave submissively so as not to lose his beloved.
Thus, the couple preys on everyone or anyone (including himself), idealizing him, in this way emphasizes the favorable qualities that you have (even if there are few) and hides or hides the cruelty and aggression that you manifest. In addition, it is assumed that the perpetrator’s beliefs are superior in the relationship.
Added to this is the fear of disruption. This creates a separation anxiety that makes the victim believe that the worst thing that can happen to her is that the relationship ends and she is left alone, so she will do everything she can to prevent it from happening. Everything mentioned is increased, since abuse is constant, for periods when the aggressor regrets and is nice to try?
“We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private and lonely pain is scarier than anyone can inflict. -Jim Morrison-
Thus, victims in this situation can even blame themselves for the aggressions they suffer, in a thought scheme in which they assume that their partner is kind and caring, it is not possible for the couple to behave violently, so when this happens, seek a cause and designate it in general, in this way they do not consider themselves victims , but guilty or responsible.
Thus, a relationship is established in which there are aggressions that provoke terror and fear, and good moments that generate a sense of relief; in this contrast, it is normal for the victim to do everything possible so that the second moments prevail, even if in the way, little by little, it sinks.
Everything said so far can identify another factor that prevents the victim from escaping a situation of abuse: low self-esteem, sees himself as a person unable to do things right or defend himself. it’s something that the aggressor keeps repeating to him, isn’t that a common phrase when he exercises verbal abuse.
But not only is physical or psychological violence against the victim exercised, it is also common for the victim to be removed from social support, this isolation of the victim, which so favors the interests of the perpetrator, causes his dependence to be maintained or maintained. even increased. The ultimate goal of this strategy is for the victim to have no one to talk to or ask for help.
On this horizon, we find the impotence acquired. The victim gradually loses much of his power and freedom and finally realizes that there is nothing he can do to change, so despair reigns in his life and sees no way out, so it is so difficult to escape a situation of abuse. .
“Any behavior designed to control and subjugate another human being using fear and humiliation, and using physical or verbal attacks, is abuse. -Susan Forward-
Images courtesy of Misael Nevarez, Volkan Olmez and Xavier Sotomayor.