If you’re suffering from psychological abuse and you’re unhappy, the question on the horizon is: why can’t you get out of this situation?After this question, often asked the person subjected to a harmful and exhausting relationship, a very complex reality. Fear is in these bonds of domination, with shame, indecision, confusion and even love, are very difficult situations for those who do not live them.
Neuroscience says that our brain is designed to foster the connection between us, so by starting a relationship we build more than just a commitment or a life in common, our brain structures are also getting used to this bond, to feed on that shared bond. everyday life, this affection, the intimacy of this mutual space.
- For all these reasons.
- When control or abuse behaviors occur.
- The other person chooses to minimize its effect; the brain refuses to clearly address the reality of the damage; you cling to the bond because taking on the truth can be extremely painful.
- Perception is obscured by a sophisticated self-defense mechanism to preserve the idea that everything is fine.
Psychological violence is a very sophisticated trap. Therefore, we cannot trivialize the question by suggesting that the victim is blind, naive or indecisive because he has not reacted to this situation. Abusive tactics used by the controller are usually based on strategies that are as crude as they are ruthless. It’s not easy to get out of this web overnight.
“Give pain a word: pain that doesn’t speak groans in the heart until it breaks. ” -William Shakespeare-
If you suffer from psychological abuse, you will take a long time to accept this reality, around you may be asked how you tolerate certain acts, words and behaviors, however, you stand out when they talk about it. Others don’t see what you see in your partner. You tell yourself you’re a special person, someone worth moving on for.
This inner discourse will be repeated day after day until, at some point, it no longer serves you, there you will be aware of the trap in which you have fallen, however, at that moment it is common for another dynamic to occur. Even if you are aware of the abuse, you will not always be strong enough to leave the relationship, because then fear will arise.
In addition, studies such as Jacobson. No, Gottman. JM and Gortner. Et university of Washington indicate that these situations can range from two to five years on average. a relationship in case of psychological abuse are as follows.
Psychological abuse actually has the same impact as trauma, they are damage that is done daily, through the most subtle things, it is a constant blow to self-esteem, dignity, self-concept.
Does the victim end up suffering the same symptoms as in a stressful situation: mental exhaustion, headaches, muscle aches, minor memory loss? All of this often leads to a state of “psychological freeze”. That is, the person manages to separate himself from his emotions so as not to suffer, so as not to feel pain, something like this implies that the aggressor is even more motivated to continue causing harm.
What we often overlook in the effect of psychological violence is that the aggressor is part of a fundamental advantage: love, so you will always use this basic ingredient to have power, any order, any thread that moves in your favor will be justified by affection, that false affection to which the other will always end up giving.
The victim will use justifications, cognitive dissonances and false beliefs to integrate into these dynamics and not suffer, little by little these manipulative tactics will even change their thinking style and personality, there will be times when they believe that everything that happens is to blame. is yours, will you end up hating yourself, will you feel shame, anxiety?
When you suffer from psychological abuse you are forced to rewrite yourself as a person, the deterioration that can be achieved is so great, exhaustion and vulnerability so high that this obvious difficulty in finding strength and getting out of the relationship is understandable.
We need support. It is highly recommended to have people of trust and professionals who help us rewrite correctly, psychological violence may leave no visible traces, but it blinds us completely, erases identities, undermines self-esteem and distorts values.
We can tell each other again, but in a healthy way, with the ink of resilience and using the role of hope, we can train someone stronger and better prepared to write better chapters, because although the past is not forgotten, it is only a part of our history, something that does not need to be defined. We can create more beautiful scenes, happier stories.