Society often crushes us with its foolish pace and ends up making it virtually impossible for us to take the time to think about what we tell our children and how we treat them. How many times have we not even heard or said the following sentence: “Pedrinho!You’re very bad, don’t do that to your sister!Do you think that’s common? That’s very familiar. I have heard this phrase countless times and sometimes admit to having uttered it myself. It’s the action of putting a label on it, and we’re doing the same with Little Red Riding Hood’s ferocious wolf. Why?
It seems that Pedrinho’s behavior was not a very happy choice, but then to tell him that he is a bad boy, there is a big difference.
- One of the most relevant aspects to understand the reason for this is to differentiate an act in itself.
- The behavior of the child.
- The child as a whole.
- It is very important to know the difference between the act and the person and to be very attentive.
- Beware of any generalization or stereotype.
I am almost certain that Pedrinho’s father said this to his son because what he did was disapprove and his behavior was not entirely appropriate. Now the problem or the bad thing was Pedrinho’s behavior, not his own.
If we constantly confuse our children’s behaviors or actions with themselves, we are likely to gradually undermine their self-esteem without realizing it, isn’t it the same to say: are you too distracted?(A personality trait) and say?(behaviour).
That’s why I’ve always been struck by the fact that the boys say that Little Red Riding Hood’s wolf is bad, we attributed this personality trait (being unpleasant) because he wanted to eat the little red chaperita.
The conclusion is quite simple: if you want to eat Little Cap, it can only be bad, only bad guys do that kind of thing.
And of course, whenever wolves appear in a story or tale (we have Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, Pedro and the Wolf, etc. ), we take care of explaining that wolves are bad because they want to hurt the main characters, and thus they end up with the label of the bad ones, but the reality is not exactly that.
Of course, the wolf isn’t bad. The wolf wants to eat Little Cap because he’s hungry, not because it’s bad, if we explain it to our children, they can have more realistic, healthy and positive expectations. What a bad reputation they have!
Therefore, it is important to try to change the behavior by labeling others so strictly.
Luis Cencillo, philosopher and psychologist, used a concept that, for me, is very practical: resematization. Resampling involves changing one job to a more adaptive one.
For example, instead of saying that a child is very strange and embarrassing, resealing him (putting another label on him) would be like calling the child shy.
How difficult it is to change a label after it has been attached! Very difficult As the Valencian psychologist Alberto Soler said, labels are very easy to put on, but in the second that follows they become very difficult to remove.
To do this, Soler uses the metaphor of the labels that come in the preserved boats, once we have put a label on a child (nervous, unpleasant, agitated, pampered, tantrums, etc. ), then it will be very difficult to remove it. , even if the child brings evidence that works in his favor.
So be very careful with the labels you extend
Human beings tend to behave according to the labels or prejudices expressed against them. That’s right: we usually assume what’s expected of us.
Henry Ford said that “if you think you can and if you think you can’t, are you right?”
A classic story I usually use to explain the consequences of taking a label or paper is Galton’s tour. Francis Galton was Charles Darwin’s cousin. One morning he decided to enter a park at a time when he thought he was the worst person in the world. .
At no point did he talk to anyone, after all, was he just thinking about what a person was totally worthy of contempt.
What did Galton himself observe with the people he met on his tour?Most of the people he met tended to walk away from him and look at him in fear. Surprising, isn’t it? That’s the power of labels.
Going back to my explanation of why Little Red Riding Hood’s wolf isn’t bad, I’m also convinced there are no bad kids.
Despite this, it is common to hear “this is very bad”. This is always confronted with bad behavior, which should in fact be a reason to listen to the child.
I’m not saying that to justify behavior or anything like that, but I’m suggesting an attempt to understand why the child is behaving in a certain way, whether normal or not.
For that, the best thing we can do, whether it’s with our children or if we have students, is talk to children about their behaviors rather than rating them on labels that often become permanent.
Always think about how you act with your child, the labels you give him and the consequences of everything, your vision can have very different consequences, so ideally it’s as flexible, healthy and adaptive as possible.