While what is considered normal in couples has undergone major changes in recent times, there is one concept by which almost all societies remain very conservative: infidelity, although this is the plan of every day, very few people look at it naturally is the main cause of separation between couples.
Some of the main questions are: Are we programmed for monogamy?Is this the most evolutionary form of reproduction?Our species was originally radically polygamous. The concept of infidelity was born with the institution of marriage in ancient Rome. The consecration of monogamy was, at first, an issue that had much more to do with economics and politics than with nature.
“The infidels know the pleasures of love; are the faithful who know the tragedies of love. ? -Oscar Wilde-
Although monogamy was instituted, almost by law, the truth is that infidelity continued to exist in all times and in all cultures; before the rise of romanticism, she was seen with some tolerance and sometimes with frank approval. became an issue that provoked a strong rejection.
With the advancement of rationalism and, above all, with the climax of romanticism, the concept of couple love has completely changed. The myth of half orange? Or “love of life,” and exclusivity began to be regarded as a fundamental value in relationships.
At the same time, with the advancement of feminism, certain phenomena have appeared around infidelity, the first was the fact that the infidelity of women and men was becoming increasingly equitable, the second, that divorce has become a more widespread practice, and the most motivating factor is precisely infidelity.
New women are more independent and at the same time less tolerant of adventurous men; infidelity provokes unlimited outrage and they do not want to tolerate those who do not love them exclusively; men are even more bigoted.
The Pew Research Center conducted a survey in 40 countries and found that infidelity is the most rejected couple behavior, in both sexes, in all ages and cultures. The paradox is that infidelity is as universally rejected as it is universally practiced.
The sexologist Esther Perel, author of the book “Mating in Captivity”, points out that there is a lot of hypocrisy on the subject, emphasizing that there is no difference in the percentage of infidelity between the societies that reject it the most and those that reject it. they are more permissive.
This researcher points out that infidelity has gone from painful behavior to behavior that generates real trauma, people feel let down, humiliated, despised and careless, and resist doing an impartial analysis of what happened to determine their level of importance.
Discoveries about the brain indicate that there are different circuits for deep love and passionate love, that is, we know that one person can love someone and desire someone else, and not just that: from the point of view of the brain, it is perfectly reasonable to love. more than one person at a time.
Just because a person is unfaithful doesn’t mean they don’t love their partner, many factors can affect them to have an affair with someone at some point, most of the time this has nothing to do with their partner’s complaints, but perhaps with a desire for adventure, with an interest in experimentation, including demonstrating their ability to seduce.
From this point of view, infidelity perhaps should not be seen so dramatically, rather than condemning the fact beforehand, it is important to analyze why this happened, there are many cases in which loving reflections with a third party end up strengthening the relationship of the couple. original couple. They can identify cracks, or simply give the link a new look. If we strip the infidelity of their moral clothes, maybe we can create stronger couples.
What do you think?
Images provided by Anne Miller, Art Schelin.