We are full of obligations of all kinds: from those that we have to face in our work to the domestic ones, such as having the food prepared every day, in this demanding society in which we live we must be attractive, excellent workers, always up to the task. dating, being good parents, etc.
Ties are those expectations that we must meet if we want to feel better. But let’s think for a moment, who imposes my obligations on me? Who are these expectations?
- The reader can respond that the meaning of life in which we embark is responsible for all the daily obligations we must face and adapt to.
- But if we think about it we will see that many of our obligations are actually imposed by us and are intended to meet the expectations of others rather than our own.
How many times have you been forced to do something you didn’t like because that’s what you had to do?The word? This is part of many of our irrational beliefs and implies a hidden need that we must satisfy to feel happy, or at least not feel unwell.
Disturbing emotions often arise from an obligation, as cognitive psychology points out, what we think is the direct cause of what we feel and how we feel influences our way of thinking, in this reasoning, whether we are anxious, depressed or angry, probably creating a multitude of obligations in our minds.
These obligations can affect ourselves, others or the world at large, and talking about the misconception of how things should be, close the door to emotional well-being: unconditional acceptance.
When obligations relate to ourselves, we believe that we should be or act in one way and not another.
We do not accept ourselves as we are, what creates in us poor self-esteem, as well as a feeling of anxiety about wanting to meet the expectations imposed, or depression if we have not been able to meet them. Do I have to do my job perfectly every day, can’t I fail?are some examples of disturbing thoughts that we can nurture when we strive to be what we are not.
The? Referring to others creates a feeling of anger, as well as those who refer to the world. To want the people around us and that life to be in a way that must fit our own personal criteria is as unreal as pretending that the sky is pink.
These obligations, as we have pointed out, hide a false need, which must be banished from the mind in order to feel greater satisfaction.
When our obligations are ours they hide the need for approval and perfectionism: “I need to do my job perfectly because I need to be recognized in the company. “On the other hand, when you expect the environment to act in a certain way, you need comfort: “There should be no traffic jams because I get bored with them, they are irritating, I am late where I want to go, etc. ??
If we are able to modify our inner dialogue to adapt it more to the world as it is, we will have discovered the technology that allows us to feel happier Change, of course, must not only be verbal, but it will be necessary to believe what we say and act in such a way that our own meaningless negative emotions become healthy.
All obligations and him? We must govern our lives, we impose them ourselves, even if we believe that there is no escape. If you think about it, nobody puts a gun to our head to get the life we have.
Everything we do and how we behave is the product of a personal decision, so it’s up to us to change.
You may think that there are inescapable obligations such as work or childcare, if we choose a specific job and also choose to be parents, once again we impose the obligation, all our actions have consequences, and if we want to remain Paying the mortgage or our little ones become educated people, it is true that we will have to act in the direction that this result produces.
Nothing and no one has forced us to choose the life we have today, but it is the result of a handful of decisions made in freedom.
Although we often feel compelled to choose one way or another, the truth is that in the end, either because it suits us, or because of influence, or because we love it, or out of fear, we choose the one we want. Decide.
In order not to feel compelled and anxious, it is necessary to start changing the inner conversation. Does it always appear in your mind, change it quickly in?I’d prefer ‘I’d like to’, without falling into the requirements. Finally, is it worth following? If that’s not what I want, isn’t the world over?Or “if things don’t go like this, will I have other options?”
With the practice and internalization of these, you will begin to feel much calmer in this demanding world.