A mother’s love is not always unconditional. Sometimes it implicitly implies a part of the suffering, a myriad of conditions and limitations that leave its mark, an example of this are undoubtedly the adult children of controlling mothers, people who despite their maturity coexist with the weight of this harmful and complex bond.
The issue of narcissistic, manipulative or distant mothers of their sons is not without controversy, it is as if, in a way, the weight of our culture continues to place its gaze between mother-daughter relationships, leaving at the absolute distance the often painful bond that can be established between a son and his mother.
- Perhaps the shadow of theories.
- Such as Freud’s about the Oedipus complex.
- Contributed to this.
- Preferring to focus on the bond between father and son.
- Leaving the most pathological vision between man and mother in the world of cinema.
- From Alfred Hitchcock’s films to get an idea of how the idea of the influence a dominant mother can have on a child’s life is treated.
Therefore, we need deeper work that gives us a more realistic description of these situations neglected by our society. We are talking about a problem that is difficult for those affected to recognize. The straitjacket associated with the gender is always present, the implicit masculinity code usually adds to situations in which men are unlikely to take the step to seek help.
A man’s relationship with his mother is important in building his identity and how he interacts with others, so the shadow of a controlling mother can have serious implications for achieving independence and happiness.
In general, adult children of controlling mothers live in a sphere of silence and continuous contradictions. This is mainly due to the above: the weight of our culture and the code of the child for which he is forced to silence his emotions to appear strong?not to be a child.
They must disguise what hurts them and react in the only way they can, in anger. Thus, in a world where man is still assimilated to the ideal of freedom or independence, it is not easy to accept that the weight of a dominant, narcissistic and manipulative mother falls upon him.
We can say here that these adult sons of controlling mothers share the same wounds with their daughters. After all, be created and live with a classic and emotionally inaccessible person?Brightness? Selfishness, grievances and need for control, he usually quits the same. after the effects.
However, it should be noted that this is not always the case, there are always individual differences, of course, those that have more to do with their personality than with their gender, however, there is a pattern to identify the sequelae that persist. adult men and not always in adult women. They’d be next.
The child who grows up under the influence of a dominant mother does not have time to build her own identity, authentic and strong. Thus, a very recurrent survival mechanism of these men is the use of lies. At first it will do so so as not to disappoint your mother, to avoid guilt, but when you use this resource as a child you will apply it in any area of adult life.
The lie is used to protect yourself, hide emotions, please the mother and survive difficulties in any context.
Adult children of controlling mothers often experience emotional uprooting from this flow. While the mother suppresses, almost from the beginning, the emotional energy of the child to make it a priority, the child understands from an early age that showing feelings is not only shameful, but dangerous.
In this way, the adult man who still lives under the influence of this dominant mother will continue to show expressive emotional containment, which in many cases can lead to different psychological disorders.
A controlling mother always generates an insecure attachment, a bond in which the child has not been emotionally validated and in which aggressive or hostile behaviors can often be highlighted, a characteristic that usually makes a clear difference (on average) between daughters of controlling mothers.
In this way, a man who grows with this dynamic can demonstrate oversized reactions to certain situations, in which he may lose control and react in anger, his ability to manage emotions is usually null or very inadequate.
Do controlling mothers consider their children to be their personal property Does this toxic relationship have serious implications for emotional development, psychological maturity, independence, the child’s decision-making ability?And an obvious consequence is the obvious difficulty in establishing an authentic emotional connection and intimacy. in an emotional relationship.
Thus, it is common for this mother to undertake the most complex tricks to thwart any attempt of the child to have her own space, to build an independent and happy life with another person, generate neurosis, so doubts always arise in the adult man. mind, and a self-button that is almost constant to the point of thwarting any relationship.
In conclusion, it is important to emphasize an obvious aspect, men are less likely to seek help and therefore seek therapy, despite carrying a large pocket of suffering within them, their capacity for denial is immense, so the adult children of controlling mothers constitute a population group that requires specific assistance and our responsibility as a society is to facilitate it.