There are moments, both in our professional and personal lives, when we have no choice but to stand up, walk away and not make contact, we do so to regain control of our lives and, above all, to erase our emotions and dignity. , to be treated as we deserve, as people with the right and legitimacy to choose what we want or not.
What both developmental psychology and cognitive psychology demonstrate is that most people are not prepared to impose themselves and leave something behind, our brain maps are connected to build relationships, to connect socially and emotionally, so when does this alert system warn us that something is?and it resonates in us that a certain bond causes us more pain than benefits, it is common to resist.
- Zero contact is about hope.
- This means being strong enough to take a step back.
- Free yourself to start a change with a better balance.
However, instead of breaking those ties, we put them on and do it by covering it with the most sophisticated shadows, layers and concealers, we do it by self-deception (?This is temporary, are you sure it will change?), for dummy goals (? Tomorrow I’ll say what I think and put an end to this false friendship?) And even through the most complex defense mechanisms (repression, denial, isolation). Somehow we have forgotten that endings are as necessary as beginnings.
Fear, whether we like it or not, will always be there, both when we let something go and when life takes us to a new stage, so there are times when the best way to allow yourself to enter with more dignity in life. this other cycle is so as not to make contact with those who, at some point, have brought us the same flavor: that of unhappiness.
There are decisions that need to be made safely and forcefully, for this we must learn to shape what many psychologists call “raw emotions”. This type of psychological dimension can be made up of three perspectives that, although difficult to implement, can bring us good results:
After reflecting on these aspects, we shape this crude emotion that integrates conviction and personal strength to make a decision where there is no longer room for fear and insecurity. In addition, once the purpose is executed and the people involved are informed, you can evaluate whether we are applying zero contact or not.
Good gardeners know that for a rose to always be beautiful and healthy, you have to prune it every time, sometimes they have more heads than they can bear, others get sick and pollute others, and some occupy a space that prevents others from growing. . Cutting, eliminating contact with the parts that damage the flowers, is essential for the environment to always be splendid.
The same goes for our relationships. It is not enough to impose a certain distance and bend down your face, waiting for things to change while feeding a garden full of weeds, a scenario that does not identify us. We have the right to say that I do not want any more suffering and then uproot this place so as not to have more contact with those who live there.
There are relationships, people and dynamics that should be called by name: emotional abuse, manipulation, abuse, traumatic ties, toxic peers or bosses, selfish families or false friends, clarifying what happens to these people will also help us make safer decisions.
On the other hand, it must be noted that zero contact in these cases symbolizes the full right to place limits, which implies our firm determination to free ourselves from the tyranny of those bonds that have exercised power for a time with one goal: to cancel us physically and emotionally. It is also our only guarantee to protect our self-esteem and psychological integrity.
Therefore, we should not be afraid to make this decision, moreover, we do not have to justify ourselves or give many explanations about the reasons for our choice, when it is assumed that the best thing at this new stage is firm distance and null contact to heal and start over, there is no reason to lose more energy in explaining something that the other person certainly does not understand.
If we decide to continue, we must do so with appropriation and with a growth perspective, not with a sense of guilt, because the decisions that are made to protect integrity and happiness also serve to become the owners of our destiny, the architects of a future with more hope. And in this way, the weight of guilt has no space or meaning.